11th

i do not like to admit that i occasionally read the blogs of people who are internet-famous for blogging, but sarah morrison's blog had this on it after vague stories about boys she's known, from kind of a long time ago, and i read it this week as it made sense in conjunction with a lot of things that have been going on in my head simultaneously:

.....Some of these boys come back in and out of the above scenarios. Some do not speak to me for years, months, days, or ever again. Some move back in. Some leave for good. I am simply there. I am really not a part of any of these stories. These are not really my stories. They are theirs. I could be anyone. I could be anything. I am simply their mistake.

People will yell at the person at the flight counter because they missed their flight.

They will yell at the parking ticket attendant for issuing the ticket on his windshield.

They will insist it was their alarm clock not them that made them late to work.

They will blame you because they could not have you back.

They will blame you because they loved you too much.

They will blame you because they let you down.

They will blame you because they still love you.

They will blame you because you are easier than blaming themselves.

They will blame you for being their mistake.


mostly this week i learned that you can stop being angry at someone without actually forgiving them. it's a relief to know. this means that if you earn it, i never have to forgive you, but we can peacefully coexist and still get to laugh at each other's jokes.

the person i learned this from is not who it's the most useful to apply it to.

this means that there is someone else i don't feel i have to forgive. but don't worry. i'm not mad.