7th

I think I am figuring out what I really want to do. It has to do with books and movies. So consider my ideal job search expanded to include another low-paying field.

11th

feeling stuck between mediocre and below average is tiring, and i want to get to a point where i can focus on the one thing i'm good at and have it be appreciated and have everyone else take care of the rest, or at least a point where i'm past caring (not really that second one). we all have a place and i refuse to believe i've found mine because i am neither comfortable or satisfied yet and i have so much more to do.

i just want to lose 15 pounds and live in brooklyn and tell people how to make books into movies and have a puggle/yorkie terrier.

and i'd like everyone in my life to be as unwavering as the friend i celebrated a 5th anniversary with yesterday, because if i have to be the way i am at least i get to have someone else to understand it.

i don't think that's too much to ask.

photo: pleasefindthis.blogspot.com

13th

"I'm either going to kill myself or go to London." -josh forbes
"SAMESIES!!!"- me

i mean i don't exactly have to spell it out now, do i? let's just say i'm truer to my word than he is.

10th

Diablo Cody is such a good writer that even her myspace blog is well written and fun to read. even her twitter is! do you know how frustrating that is? it's making me wonder if i'm good at anything, if i have any talents to speak of. i can't write for shit, i don't birth ideas... i can tell you what line number parking tolls and gas is and i can let you know your rate on a 8k/15k/40k/100k (curiously, on the last two it probably wouldn't differ much) job, but that's boring. i was under the impression that i had some sort of creative skill and i'm suddenly terrified that i've been wrong all this time.